New page, new pen! OMG it’s so dark! It was getting harder and harder to push the pen across the paper. This is much easier for sure. What a difference!! I hope that you’re having a good day. It’s not too bad here. The guy that I was telling you about in the last letter, that was begging his girl for money, was back on the phone with her. I guess she didn’t transfer the money. Thank you again for the money. You rock! I did inventory – 6 stamps and 6 envelopes. With the money you sent I’ll be order stamps probably on Sunday for Tues/Wed delivery. I really like writing to you. Sometimes I struggle with what I’m going to write, sometimes I’ll write a sentence, walk around, and then write another one. It almost feel like I’m talk to you. And I really like that feeling. It’s probably why I’ll finish a letter, and right away, I start the next one. I’ll have to figure out Canadian stamps for when I’m in Canada to mail letters to you.

I’m trying not to think about the next court date, because when I do, I get scared. Working retail teaches you to keep your expectations low so you’re not disappointed. That’s pretty much what I’m doing. You’re the light at the end of my tunnel. I hope I’m deported soon.

It’s 4:15, and we’re out right now, waiting for dinner time. It’s ver lonely in here. Like high school, there’s cliques. I’ve never fit in with cliques. I can’t wait to call you. For 20 minutes, I don’t feel alone. I feel alive, and wanted. “You have 1 minute remaining”¹ – and it all comes crashing back. You’re with me in my dreams. I know it, before I don’t feel alone when I’m asleep. I feel loved and happy and close to you when I’m asleep. I’m getting tired of social distancing. I want visits again. *kisses*

So I had the greatest of idea. I’d call you right now. It’s about 40 minutes until lock-in, I just ate, and all the phones are empty. I pick up, press 1, then 0, start to punch in my code, and they shut the phones off, as technically it’s dinner time right now. Well shit! Scratch that idea. Of course, I probably would have call you again anyways. I miss you so much. And even though I told you that you didn’t have to, I hope every time mail is brought in the unit, there’s one for me. And it’s ok if there isn’t one, your plate is more than full 🙂

Im still doing prtty ok. I think sleeping better is totally helping me cope a little better. It’s very hard though, and I know it’s just as hard, if not harder for you. I love you very much, and if I could be there I would. You’re the strong one now, I’m the one that cries. You got this baby, I know you do!! I’ve always known you’re he greatest in the world, I’ll bow down to you any time, any place. You’re my queen. I love you so much. I have about an hour and 20 minutes before I can call you. I’ve been waiting for this all day. ALL DAY.

You made me so happy! I love to chat with you! I’m glad you had a good day, even though it was a long one for you. The days always seem long when there’s not a lot to do. The time goes by relatively fast because most of the time I have my nose in a book, or I’m writing to you. And if the judge asks if I got the paperwork and if I haven’t, I’ll tell him that I haven’t. I wouldn’t lie to him.² I think I might time this letter right and have me saying good night at the end, instead of the beginning! Let’s see if I can actually accomplish that feat! That means I have to write a page before I go to sleep. I think that I’m up to that challenge. Because I’m a righteous dude.

My brain is now mush. About 10 minutes ago there was a knock at my door. It was Russia, who is very nice. He wanted an English less from a native speaker. Past and future tense of words. I had to explain “were” to him. It was insane. I don’t think I’ve thought that hard since high school! He’s a very nice man. He gave me two Jolly Ranchers for my help 🙂 I was taken so off guard, for a few seconds I had no idea what to do. I wish I had a better grasp at English, and was a better teacher. There’s a John Saul novel down there, I’m not desperate enough to read it. If you’ve read one John Saul novel, you’ve read them all.

One more paragraph to go, and 45 minutes, can he do it? Can he do the impossible? I think I’m up for the challenge. I really did love our chat this evening. I hope your closing shift is easy and uneventful. But for now, I wish you the most excellent of sleeps as you snuggle the kittens and dream of me as I lay here dreaming of you. Kisses.

I love you so much

¹ The phone system in the facility only allowed 20 minute phone calls, and would warn you before it cut off.
² At one point, he said he might say he’d gotten the corrected paperwork even if he hadn’t, in case it sped up the process – Editor