March 3

3/5/20
(I think)

Dearest 🙂

Remember when we used to do this? It’s been a bad day, part of an even worse week, it’s just a whole bunch of little things piling up. I’m crying again, I miss you so much. I’m not strong like you are. I love you so much. I wish we were together. I’ve been having nightmares. A life without you. Alone. In Canada. Can you leave sooner, and maybe have REDACTED be your representative for the house sale? I don’t know. I just want to be out of here so badly, and be in your arms. It’s Thursday, so I’m not going to call. Working on saying no, and sticking to it. I want to be better, need to be. Have to be. I will try for the rest of my life to be worthy of you, and your love.

Irish (roommate) got a care package a couple days ago and has been sharing “crisps” with me. I bought extra ramen to share with hi, I cant wait for a proper cup of coffee. Been reading lots. 1-2 novels a day. As soon as I stop, I’m in my head. I don’t want to be in it. It’s the worst at night. I miss contact. but this is just a bad day. This too shall pass.

I’m scare. Of everything. It’s the unknown. I’m sorry for everything.

Oh! They tried smoking banana peels a few nights ago! Bosnia and Poland aren’t too bright. And now Poland is a born again, and goes to the nightly sermons, except for when Jersey Shore is on! I wish I could make this up. You’d be proud of me, I’ve been eating all the oatmeal on the days that we get it. Yours always looked better. I miss you.

For lunch today, it was grilled cheese. by grilled, I mean bread with cheez wiz. I shit you not. I think I’d rather eat mushrooms. They were so gross.

I should go for now. It’s almost dinnertime. I’ll try and write more later then send out after I get a stamp and envelope from commissary delivery tomorrow. I love you lots! I’ll write more on the other side.

Ok, so I feel a little better after dinner, just a long week. It’s about 9:30, we “lock-in” for the night in about 20 minutes, then we’ll probably read, then try and fall asleep. The days are starting to move a little quicker, which is nice.

Random thought: I don’t want to live with my parents…

Also, no del-lousing, and I had to watch a movie about prison rape. Not a how to, mind you. But that it’s bad.

Alright, I think I’m gonna turn in for the night. Hopefully will fall asleep fast, and not have nightmares. I love you, and I’ll fill the rest of the page up tomorrow [HEART]

I slept pretty well last night, almost all the way through the night. I was told, that for about a half hour, I snored like a plane was going down! Mornings are the slowest here, after lunch time seems to move a little quicker. Looking at the menu for tonight, it’s fishpuck night, or the fish that never swam, haha. But seriously, the food is’t tooooo bad, it’s not the greatest, but it does what it’s supposed to do.

I love you so much. I think when I get out, I might try to journal. or just write you, and save them for when you get up to Canada.

See you Sunday!

Lots of love!
Miss you so much

Shawshank

ps: I miss your booty, and you grinding on me.

I love you so much