3/29/20

It’s quiet in here. No conversations at all There’s only maybe 15-20 people awake right now. This would be the perfect time for a nap if I was remotely tired at all. I’m just counting the hours until I can call you. Right after brekfast for lunch I’m gonna call. Another hour until lunch. Even though it’s only once a week, I’m getting tired of cold pancakes. I am missing you. Current count in J-2 is 68 persons. Just thought you’d want to know. I just shaved. Every two days I touch up. With the barbar shoppe closed, it’s all I can do so I don’t look too homeless.

You sound so fucking sexy. I wanted to as what you were wearing. I bet it was a sexy nightgown or a teddi. I can’t wait to strip you down, wash you clean, the take you to bed and make you oh so dirty. I love you so very much. I’m trying to write dirty to you again. I’m out of practice but I will keep at it. I can’t wait until we’re together again. I dream of being with you, holding you, caressing you. Slowly stripping you of your clothes then laying you down on the bed and touching you all over your naked body. Making you groan and moan in pleasure.

3pm lockin “Simple Blood” has talked to me more in the past two days than the previous 30. And thanks to him today, I know about the colour-coded TVs (black, white, brown). Thanks, Simple Blood, I’ve figured that out. It was funny, he actually said good night. Most people in here are nice. Russia randomly gave me a Jolly Rancher last week. For the most part, the really keep to themselves. It really is segregated – blacks, Spanish, whites. Everyone chats, jokes around but you know sides have been chosen. It’s scary. And you pretty much know that as soon as you have any interaction with anyone here. I’m almost 100% sure I’m the only one in here with no second or third language.

Wow, almost done with this letter as well. I don’t know how I keep filling the pages with nothing. But I do, and you haven’t told me to stop yet, so I’ll keep going! I’m down with the Spanish! I’m watching Justice League with them LOL

Another dinner is done. It was supposed to be mac+cheese casserole, but it looked and tasted like Hamburger Helper. I had two helpings of green beans though. They were yummy. I’m always on the food, but honestly, it’s not that bad for mass produced fod. It’s either bland or a hint of spice. I could taste tonight they didn’t mix the pepper too well. It wasn’t bad though. I still wish around 9ish a sweet cart came up. That’d be very nice. I have 6 stamps left. I’m gonna hold off on them until next week.

So a funny thing happened when I called you the first time tonight. The loudest, most obnoxious guy in here was on the phone next to me begging his girl for money. “But baby, there’s sandals here, they’re only $25 … I don’t know when I’m getting out … Just give me $150 and we’re straight … Baby, I’ll surprise you when I get out.” I was trying so hard not to laugh. I had to go and look, I must’ve misheard when he said $25. I think he meant $35 – those are the Under Armour shower shoes. And thank you very much for the money. I love you very much 💘

They were just cheering in the common room. On the white TV they are watching 90-Day Fiance. Well, one of the stories is a young lesbian couple. They were kissing. Guys were running from the phones to see. Thanks, TLC.

I miss you so much. I really loved our chats tonight. I do dream and daydream about you every day. There’s not a minute that goes by that I don’t think of you. And maybe, just maybe, court on the 7th will have a good outcome, and we can finally have a “go date”. I’m useless in here. I need to be doing something more than reading and daydreaming.

But for now, bring on the daydreams!

I love you so very much 💗

REDACTED

Wanna play a game of naked Twister?

March 3

3/5/20
(I think)

Dearest 🙂

Remember when we used to do this? It’s been a bad day, part of an even worse week, it’s just a whole bunch of little things piling up. I’m crying again, I miss you so much. I’m not strong like you are. I love you so much. I wish we were together. I’ve been having nightmares. A life without you. Alone. In Canada. Can you leave sooner, and maybe have REDACTED be your representative for the house sale? I don’t know. I just want to be out of here so badly, and be in your arms. It’s Thursday, so I’m not going to call. Working on saying no, and sticking to it. I want to be better, need to be. Have to be. I will try for the rest of my life to be worthy of you, and your love.

Irish (roommate) got a care package a couple days ago and has been sharing “crisps” with me. I bought extra ramen to share with hi, I cant wait for a proper cup of coffee. Been reading lots. 1-2 novels a day. As soon as I stop, I’m in my head. I don’t want to be in it. It’s the worst at night. I miss contact. but this is just a bad day. This too shall pass.

I’m scare. Of everything. It’s the unknown. I’m sorry for everything.

Oh! They tried smoking banana peels a few nights ago! Bosnia and Poland aren’t too bright. And now Poland is a born again, and goes to the nightly sermons, except for when Jersey Shore is on! I wish I could make this up. You’d be proud of me, I’ve been eating all the oatmeal on the days that we get it. Yours always looked better. I miss you.

For lunch today, it was grilled cheese. by grilled, I mean bread with cheez wiz. I shit you not. I think I’d rather eat mushrooms. They were so gross.

I should go for now. It’s almost dinnertime. I’ll try and write more later then send out after I get a stamp and envelope from commissary delivery tomorrow. I love you lots! I’ll write more on the other side.

Ok, so I feel a little better after dinner, just a long week. It’s about 9:30, we “lock-in” for the night in about 20 minutes, then we’ll probably read, then try and fall asleep. The days are starting to move a little quicker, which is nice.

Random thought: I don’t want to live with my parents…

Also, no del-lousing, and I had to watch a movie about prison rape. Not a how to, mind you. But that it’s bad.

Alright, I think I’m gonna turn in for the night. Hopefully will fall asleep fast, and not have nightmares. I love you, and I’ll fill the rest of the page up tomorrow [HEART]

I slept pretty well last night, almost all the way through the night. I was told, that for about a half hour, I snored like a plane was going down! Mornings are the slowest here, after lunch time seems to move a little quicker. Looking at the menu for tonight, it’s fishpuck night, or the fish that never swam, haha. But seriously, the food is’t tooooo bad, it’s not the greatest, but it does what it’s supposed to do.

I love you so much. I think when I get out, I might try to journal. or just write you, and save them for when you get up to Canada.

See you Sunday!

Lots of love!
Miss you so much

Shawshank

ps: I miss your booty, and you grinding on me.

I love you so much