It’s 10pm here, and I’m watching ghost adventures. I would’ve just made a blog post, but I’ll wait till Saturday so you can walk me through logging in. I have a little anxiety because my mom wants to take me around REDACTED tomorrow to get applications for work. I’m scared to say anything because I can’t get a job until I get ID, a bank account and a drivers licence. And REDACTED is 2 hours away. If I don’t have a drivers license, how am I going to get there? REDACTED wouldn’t be able to drive me, and mom couldn’t pack gramma up every day. 

So yeah I’m kind of freaking out a lot by myself in the living room. I can’t do anything at all until I get the 3 things I mentioned above. What do I do? I’m going to look into a bank account but until I gets DL I’m relying on my parents to take me around. 

I’ll try the cook position tomorrow. That’s at least walking distance. I’m trying to breathe and relax. It’s not really working. I’m worried about you. I’m frealing out about the future. Everything.  Am I going to screw everything up by the time you get here? I’m so scared. I’m trying to take it step by step and one day at a time, but my mind is spiralling to the future and we’re living in a tent with two cats and you hate me because we’re living in a tent with two cats. 

What. Do. I. Do?

Sorry I’m just dumping this on you while you sleep, but I wasn’t going to call you freaking out while everyone is sound asleep and it’s pitch black out. part of my brain says just pack your stuff and walk. Walk anywhere but with about $120 to my name, where would I go. Nowhere. So I’ll sit here quietly frealing out and spiralling. I’m not doing anything on the phone that I shouldn’t be, I promise. That’s not even an option right now. It’ll never be an option. I live for you. You’ve saved my life I’m true to you only you. I’ve hit rock bottom. I’m broken. Can I ever be fixed? I hope you can help me be a better person. I’m so fucking scared. 

I’m trying to breathe. 

I hope I can sleep tonight. 

I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I’ve done and done to you. Thank you for being there for me. Thank you for saving me. 

I love you so very very very much 

I’ll chat with you tomorrow my love.

Thank you for listening to me blubber all over the place. I feel a little better just getting it off my chest. I’m sorry for dumping it on you while you sleep. I don’t have anything to hide. I wants life to be an open book.  That’s how I want to live from now on. It’s the only way. I miss you so much. I’m so scared. 

I love you so very much. You are my life. I’ll talk to you as much as I can tomorrow I can wait for you to call. I love talking to you on the phone. Have a great morning, give the kitties head kisses and snuggles. I need snuggles maybe double wide will come and snuggle me tonight.