I don’t know what’s worse, being alone with people around you, or having no one around you. I think they’re both equally as bad. With people around, you have to expend energy on conversation. You really do have to make some sort of effort to make it look like you’re doing ok and aren’t screaming on the inside.

Smile.

Say good morning.

Yes, I had an amazing sleep last night.

No, I didn’t hear the massive thunder storms, nor did I see the lightning. But gosh darn it I wish I did.

I’m not a talker. Let me just be alone. I’m tired of putting on a smile and faking it.

I realize I’m lucky that they even wanted me here. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they didn’t. I’m very lucky. However, it’s exhausting to fake being happy all day. Sometimes, i just have an off day.

I miss my wife. I’m well aware that this is all my fault. This is all my doing, and I’ll never completely make it up to her, but I’m going to try. I don’t even know how to put it into words. I miss her so much, all the time. So much so, if I stop and think, even just for a minute, it hurts so bad.

But then I feel guilty, because I have it so easy. She has all the stress of everything. I’d rather it be the other way around.

It’s show time, put that smile on.

Also, about 2 hours before Shady Acres has their afternoon nap.

Happy Monday.