The way you walk – it drives me mad Shawshank, August 24, 2020August 24, 2020 I don’t know what’s worse, being alone with people around you, or having no one around you. I think they’re both equally as bad. With people around, you have to expend energy on conversation. You really do have to make some sort of effort to make it look like you’re doing ok and aren’t screaming on the inside. Smile. Say good morning. Yes, I had an amazing sleep last night. No, I didn’t hear the massive thunder storms, nor did I see the lightning. But gosh darn it I wish I did. I’m not a talker. Let me just be alone. I’m tired of putting on a smile and faking it. I realize I’m lucky that they even wanted me here. I don’t know what I would’ve done if they didn’t. I’m very lucky. However, it’s exhausting to fake being happy all day. Sometimes, i just have an off day. I miss my wife. I’m well aware that this is all my fault. This is all my doing, and I’ll never completely make it up to her, but I’m going to try. I don’t even know how to put it into words. I miss her so much, all the time. So much so, if I stop and think, even just for a minute, it hurts so bad. But then I feel guilty, because I have it so easy. She has all the stress of everything. I’d rather it be the other way around. It’s show time, put that smile on. Also, about 2 hours before Shady Acres has their afternoon nap. Happy Monday. Life aloneblogfake it til you make itguiltylonely
Life Put your toes down in the water and a smile across your face October 2, 2021 Hap hap happy Saturday morning. It’s starting to be darker and darker when my alarm goes off. I think the sunrise is minutes before my alarm goes off. But it does make for a pretty sunrise. I’m up, dressed, and the coffee is brewing. In a couple of hours, I’ll… Read More
Life Oh, I rush and rush until life’s no fun June 26, 2025 I wasn’t ready to get up when Podrick was sucking loudly, or when Crystal was coughing. But when Crystal said it was time to get up, I really didn’t want to get up. I knew if I got up, I’d have to do stuff. But here we are. I slept… Read More
Life Breakfast table in an otherwise empty room October 26, 2024 I’m home from work. I have learned that I don’t like getting up early. But I switched shifts with another guy because, his grandmother isn’t doing well, so I figured that I’d help him out. Because, I hope that if I have to switch shifts last minute because of someone’s… Read More
It’s been a long week already, and I still feel like everything is against me. Like this:Like Loading… Good morning, my darlings. Here’s your reminder of what day it is: Yes. It’s only Tuesday. Yesterday sucked, as expected. Sunday’s foul mood spilled into Monday, and it took a long time to feel like it lifted even a little. Unfortunately, my bad mood also brought Shawshank down. I feel a bit bad for that. It’s such a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” deal. Either I’m in a bad mood, admit it, and I’m honest about why, or I keep it in and insist I’m fine when it’s obvious I’m not. Both options wind up with those close to me all worried. Work sucked as well. We tried to finish as much of Sunday’s work as we could on Saturday, there’s only so much we can do. We never stopped moving, and my shift was nearly finished by the time I finally went to lunch. StressedRPh is floating the idea of only scheduling NewTech every other weekend, and that’s fine with me. I’ll take an extra five hour shift in my paycheck. Last night, I took some time to look at the budget again. If my hours stay the way they are, I should be ok until November. According to the budget, things should be ok until December. However, I’m being cautious. I don’t want to be here at that point anyway. Unfortunately, the fancypants poi probably aren’t the best idea right now unless eBay and Facebook Marketplace business picks up. However, there’s a chance today will be a decent shift. It’s a split shift, and I’ll be closing up shop with Matryoshka. It’s supposed to be another day of nasty humidity with a good chance of some thunderstorms this afternoon. The forecast says the storms will happen right smack dab through the majority of my shift. Right now, I have the added bonus of a morning workout to start the day. I did calf raises during Sunday’s workout, and my body hasn’t yet forgiven me for it. Related posts:Bring it Outside365Oh Deer 🦌Like this:Like Loading… Reply