Locked in the truck of a car

What’s there to do in a small town?

 

Nothing. Nothing at all. 

 

If, by chance, I want to go to a book store. The second hand store is open Tuesday’s and Thursday’s. A real book store? That’s about 2 hours away. The library? Not open yet. They hope to partially open August 4th. But I do have a library card, which is nice, I guess.

 

I took living in a city, my wife, my life for granted, and now I’m being punished for it. I’ve made terrible mistakes in my life. And now I’m paying for it. I’m an idiot. I’m not the only one being punished. The Editor is being severely punished for this too. For that, I’ll never stop beating myself up for it. I beat myself up over this all day, everyday. And I’ll do that for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve The Editor, and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to deserve her. 

 

Wander Walmart? 2 hours away. Movie theatre? 1 hour and 20 minutes away. A mall? 2 hours and thirty minutes. “I’m just gonna go out to Tim Horton’s… No no no, you’re gonna drive for 35 minutes. Anything you want to do here, you need a car. There’s literally nothing to do here. I just watch TV, eat, read, and sleep. I’ve let the people know at the museum, and the second hand store, that I can and would be happy to volunteer there. They both have my numbers. Neither have called yet. 

 

I’m just loagy today. I had a good sleep, it didn’t feel very restful though. I’m usually away slightly before my alarm goes off. Today, my alarm scared me when it went off. It’s hard to be positive when you’re tired. Lemme fix that sentence. It’s just hard. 

 

It sucks being so powerless, and having to wait. I’m not a patient man, and all I can do is wait for a time to get my fucking ID sorted out. It sucks. A lot. I’m powerless in Rhode Island, to help The Editor. I’m just powerless. I basically eat and sleep. I’m tired of it. Without ID, no job, bank account, can’t get a drivers licence, nothing. It’s a waiting game, and I don’t wait very well. 

 

Sometimes I wish I could sleep the days away, because when I wake up, that means the day has started, and here I am alone. Punishing myself mentally over and over again. The dreams lately have been weird, and not good weird. The Editor leaving me, and not allowing me to go with her. The Editor ignoring me. The Editor forgetting about me, and just going on with her life. Me being stuck into parents house and making nothing of myself. Or the best one; The Editor finally making it up here, and then hello parents basement. And not being able to do anything and her getting fed up about living in a small town and saying “fuck it, I can’t live in TinyTown”.

 

I don’t even know if I’ll post this.  Just really trying to stay positive. Do I feel a little better about just writing this down? Meh. A little. 

 

Right now, it’s a holding pattern. We’re waiting for the border to open. That’s the next hurdle. Once the border opens (and hopefully soon), then things can get moving. But right now, EVERYTHING is just up in the air. 

 

What’s there to do in a small town?

 

Nothing. Nothing at all. 

 

Just think.